Hi friends!
It is the end of March 2024 as I write this and I hope Spring has sprung in your neck of the woods and you feel a sense of renewal and awakening!
I usually LOVE this time of year with the days getting longer and the weather changing from gloom to glorious sun!
BUTÂ
My usual happy and bright Spring self got set aback by my own personal ground hog saying that he saw his shadow way back on February 2nd and I get another hunk of winter and ADOPTION FOG coming my way.
YAY ME!
What did this mean exactly?
It meant I got blindsided by emotions coming up around every adoptees favorite day....their BIRTHDAY!
To be honest, I never had a problem with my birthday. In fact the first 55 years of my life I loved it, and truly never really could relate to the reasons why adoptees hated their birthdays, or why they chose not to celebrate it, or picked a different day to recognize turning a year older because they couldn't shake the sadness they felt on the actual day. I just didn't get it!
UNTIL THIS YEAR...
Since I have included more Birth Parents stories on the podcast and did a deep dive into somatic therapy I have healed so much of the negative feelings I had surrounding my own Birth Mother. I actually felt compassion and was able to release so much clutter that was keeping me from living the life I wanted and deserved. Â
UNTIL my birthday a few days ago... the FOG rolled in at the stroke of midnight and I couldn't see past my tears. What the heck was I crying about? This is WEIRD!
I concluded that maybe this was the first time that I ALLOWED myself to FEEL sad that another birthday would pass without hearing from my Birth Mother. I wanted to so badly, but the odds were against me. I knew that in my heart. And it hurt! All of a sudden, I understood the pain other adoptees have expressed. It was my turn to experience it, sit with it, feel all the feels and try to work with it.Â
If I'm being totally honest with y'all....I'm still trying to work with it now... days later.Â
But if you know me, you know that I don't let these foggy days go by without learning something positive from it. My triggers are my treasures! One of my favorite quotes says, "I did not crawl through the shards of my own brokenness to live a mediocre life. I've prepared for magic! And I know it's coming!
While I'm sitting here with my fog lights on trying to find my way back home to myself I have learned a few things I wanted to share with all of you. After all, if you don't share with others what you have learned from what you went through what the hell is the point?
So here goes....Â
1. We CAN heal from the Primal Wound, but the adoption fog is still going to roll in now and again. It's how we react to it that's important. That's one thing we do have control over!
2. When the fog comes, sit with it. Have a conversation with it. "What do you want to show me? How can I learn from this? What are you teaching me?" Listen with your mind AND BODY and spirit. The answers are already inside of you. Right now, I'm still listening. Sometimes it takes awhile to process, and that's ok. Don't give up. There's a gold nugget in there somewhere and trust me, you don't want to miss it!
3. You know that phantom pain you get when it's about to rain? That's what the fog it like. It's the idiot light that goes on in your car telling you something needs or wants your attention. It's not necessarily bad... In fact it's trying to help you recognize what you need to do to level up in life. You can ignore it...but that light isn't going to turn off just because you don't want to look at it! You can turn the radio up louder so you don't hear the engine knocking, but it's still knocking! As adoptees we are great at turning up the volume and distracting ourselves from what we don't want to deal with. That tactic served us well before...but how is it feeling NOW?
Personally, I got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!
I guess you need to ask yourself how many foggy days do you want to deal with? You can choose to live in the foggiest city in the world, the Grand Banks of New Brunswick, or you can choose to live in French Polynesia where they get over 3,000 hours of beautiful sun every year.
The good new is It's all up to you! The bad news is.... it's all up to you.Â
REMEMBER! YOU CAN DO IT! Even if it feels like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without instructions—just keep hammering away until it looks and feels right. YOU got this!
And if no one else tells you today, I believe in you even if you don't ! And I will continue to believe in you until you can believe in yourself.Â
I LOVE my adoptee community!!!
Thanks for being my blog reading therapist today! I feel so much better already! Please be sure and send me a smile, kind encouragement or a funny cat video to remind me that I've got this too!
You are not alone and if you need resources or help, please reach out to me at MindYourOwnKarma@gmail.com
Melissa Brunetti, host of Mind Your Own Karma-The Adoption Chronicles Podcast
      and
Somatic Mindful Guided Imagery® Practitioner