Are you one of those people that stop when it gets hard? Just go ahead and raise your hand up high.
Hey there everybody, thanks for joining me on Mind Your Own Karma. I'm your host, Melissa Brunetti, and I just have to say, I feel so much better this week. If you listened to me last week, I was having a little problem. I was in a big dip. I wasn't feeling good. And this week, I am feeling fantastic, so things are looking up. What is the song? “It's a new day, it's a new dawn, it's a new life for me.” And I feel that this week. Like I said last week, I don't know if it was the moon, or whatever was going on, but something got me and it wasn't very fun. But this week I am ready to bring it to you.
So this week on the podcast, I told you that I had never listened to a podcast before I started doing podcasting. Since then, obviously I've been listening to a ton of podcasts, and one person that I've been listening to is Brené Brown. I know a lot of people listen to her. She writes a lot of books and stuff, and she's pretty inspirational, if you are looking for a podcast to listen to. But I also have met some other people through my podcasting class. And one of them, her name is Judith, and her podcast is Messy Can't Stop Her. I highly recommend her podcast. I am really loving it myself. I was listening to her also this week. And so between Brené Brown and Judith, I got the inspiration to do this episode, especially after I was feeling pretty down last week. These episodes that I was listening to really helped me, and so I started taking notes just for myself.
And then I thought, “Why don't I bring this to my podcast?” So I'm hoping that if you are down in the dip like I was last week, that maybe some of the things I'm gonna talk about today will help you. So I'm gonna start with a question. Raise your hand if you stop when something gets hard. Are you one of those people that stop when it gets hard? Just go ahead and raise your hand up high, even if nobody sees you. It doesn't feel good. It does not feel good to not be good at something. I think there's a lot of people out there that they might try something, but as soon as they figure out that they can't master it right away, they just quit. They don't wanna do it. It's too painful, it's embarrassing. I don't wanna do it. I was kind of that person.
Not totally, because I am a person that's persistent and stubborn, and if I put my mind to something, I'm going to do it. And especially if people are doubting me, I will try twice as hard. And if I only pick one thing that I learned from doing this podcast… Because this is freaking hard, okay? I am wearing so many hats doing this podcast that the learning curve is huge, but I am so proud of myself that I did this. I am still amazed that I did this. Now, I still have to work on my website, and I still have to figure out some other things, but that will come. Because if you realized how much I've had to learn so far, and I suck at tech stuff, so I am pretty proud of myself. Now, a lot of times it was messy and a lot of times it took me 5,000 times longer than probably some 12-year-old kid could figure it out, but I figured it out. I did. It wasn't fun, but I did, and I was so proud of myself.
So let's talk about doing hard things, and were you one of those people that raised your hand? Doing hard things can be paralyzing, but if we don't do new things, we stop growing, we stop learning. And when we grow and learn, it creates so much joy in our lives. This podcast has created so much joy in my life. It's created a lot of frustration, and I wanna pull my hair out sometimes, and I wanna cry, and I probably have, but it brings the most joy when I figure something out and I move forward in something and I create something, and I create something that I love, and I'm helping people. That is just pure joy for me.
So, you know what it also does? It creates pride. And it has created friendships for me. And learning new things keeps life fun and spontaneous. Now, I know that word can frighten people. A lot of people wanna know what's happening next, but man, you're missing out. You're missing out on so much fun, the spontaneity of life when you just allow stuff to happen. So when you try something new, you're gonna meet new people and you're gonna do new things, you're gonna go new places, you're gonna learn new stuff. It just snowballs. It just snowballs. The joy, joy, joy just snowballs. So if it brings so much joy, why don't we like doing the hard stuff? Well, I call it the BSBs. It's the baby step blues. And any time you are starting something new, you're gonna have those baby step blues. And during that time when you're just learning how to walk, it is hard.
It's uncomfortable, it's frustrating, it's painful. It can be embarrassing. It could be just downright unpleasant, and it can make us feel like failures, and it can make us feel like everybody's watching us and criticizing us. And discomfort fricking sucks, right? It just sucks. It doesn't feel good. But exploration of something new is always gonna feel awkward. When you're a baby and you start learning to walk, you don't have balance. You're falling down, you're getting hurt, you're crying and it's awkward, but you just keep going. You keep practicing and you get better and better. And pretty soon you're running. But you have to embrace the uncomfortable. Just embrace it. Just call it out. Call the BSB out. Just say, “It's growing pains, it hurts. It's not fun. I'm frustrated, but dang, I'm learning something new and this is gonna be fun.” You need to be kind to yourself when you're learning how to do something new.
And the other thing is, is you have a decision to make. When you mess up, you can either sit there and laugh at yourself and make a funny out of it, or you can get frustrated and angry. Which one do you wanna be? But I think embracing the uncomfortable and just knowing when you start something new that you are gonna have some frustrations, and just calling it out before it even happens is a good goal to have. Also, having realistic expectations from the beginning. You might not even know the learning curve. I didn't know the learning curve when I started this podcast. I thought, I'm gonna grab a microphone and a computer and just start talking. But that's not all you gotta do. So just being realistic as you can and knowing that the dips are gonna happen, that is gonna be so huge for you.
And just know that it's temporary. That's where I was at last week, and that's the only thing that got me through was sitting there knowing that this was temporary, and the universe has got me, and the universe has me waiting for some reason. But this is not where I'm staying. I'm not gonna be stuck in Suckytown forever. I'm outta here. So I was being realistic, but I also had to rest. I had to give myself some time to breathe and just wait. And I hate that, but that's what had to be done, and I feel so much better this week. And just observing people that start and stop things. When did we stop being brave? When did we stop being vulnerable?Why are those two things nonexistent anymore? And in an age where everybody wants it now, we're used to getting it now.
And I think that's done us such a disservice, because as soon as something gets hard, we just go on to the next thing. And so, do you ever accomplish anything doing that? Do you really ever accomplish anything? Or do you ever develop the skill to actually be good at anything because you just keep jumping around from thing to thing because it gets hard? And that's another thing that I've noticed is with young kids. As adults, we don't like to see our kids struggle. We don't like to see them have to go through hard things. But what a disservice we're doing to our kids, right? I mean, if you want your children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on their shoulders. They need that. They need that to be able to adult. Teach them how to have realistic goals and expectations, but let them do the hard things.
Let them struggle a little bit. Let them know that they can figure it out, and let them feel that pride that they did that and mom and dad didn't have to help me. And it was hard, because the hard things are what give value to the things that you did, that you accomplished. If it was easy, what value was it? You don't really put a lot of value on something that you don't work hard for. So let your child experience that pride in themselves and that self-confidence. They need that so bad. Stop stepping in and rescuing them from everything. And everything I just said holds true for adults as well. Allow yourself to do the hard things. Let yourself experience the pride when you accomplish something. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and allow yourself to fail. I mean, I learned the most from my failures.
When something's easy, what did I learn? I mean, did I really learn something? I don't think I did. It means so much more when you struggle, and every time you put yourself out there to do anything new, you are being brave and vulnerable. And I'm vulnerable every week on podcast doing this. I'm putting myself out there and I am opening myself up to ridicule from other people. And you know what? I'm not everybody's cup of tea. And I've said this: I am not tea, I'm espresso, so not everyone's gonna like me. And they don't have to. It's fine. That's why we're all different. Somebody else's podcast out there is their cup of tea. Go find them. That's fine. But it doesn't stop people from ridiculing and things. I really haven't had that yet, but I'm sure it's coming.
I've said some things on here that people aren't gonna like, and I get that, but that's my truth. And if you're not looking through my eyes, then you really should just mind your own karma, because I don't really care, to be honest. But you're not gonna vibe with everyone. You're just not. So that's another thing that you just need to be up-front with yourself about. Not everyone is going to like whatever I'm accomplishing, whether it's art, whether it's a podcast. Whatever it is, not everyone's gonna like it, and that's fine. But you are going to have people that like you, and you are gonna resonate with some people, and you are gonna find your tribe. So stop fearing the negative because it keeps us from sharing the gifts that we're supposed to share with the world when we are here in this life.
So that's what fear does, and your ego tries to protect you. And it tells you, “Don't do that because people are gonna talk, and you're gonna be looked at, and people are watching you, and they're gonna talk about you.” Okay, so what? My God. So what? What is gonna happen to you? What is the worst that can happen to you when someone puts their negativity out there? What can happen? Okay, so what I did a little reel over the weekend. You could go on my Instagram and look at it. And it basically said, if you're not a pregnancy test or a Covid test, your negativity is not wanted here. Okay? So really, great, you don't like my podcast, go find another one. It doesn't hurt me. But see, I have those realistic expectations that not everyone's gonna like me. And there are some people that just don't know how to keep their mouth shut and they think that I need their opinion and that's fine, but I'm not gonna change how I'm doing things, probably.
Who are you to me? That's the other thing. It's like, “Who are these people?” Who are these people that are criticizing me? Are they anyone important in my life that it's going to affect my daily life? It's only gonna affect the five seconds that I read the review, and then I'm gonna move on. No foul there. It's not gonna hurt me. So the realization and the expectations are healthy because I just already know that stuff like that's gonna happen. And fearing a five-second negative comment is... I'm gonna keep that from me making my podcast? I'm gonna let that keep me from growing and doing my dream of doing this podcast and everything that it does bring? And I don't know who's listening. I don't know who I'm helping.
It could be somebody clear on the other side of the world, I don't know. But those are the things that keep me going to doing this. That maybe I am helping somebody, someone's listening, because I see the numbers. So people are listening and I am so thankful for everyone that is listening, but I know not everyone is gonna vibe with me. So that's fine. But to be great at something, you have to be willing to put yourself out there. And when you put yourself out there and be vulnerable, you are putting yourself out there to be hated or ridiculed, misunderstood. But like I said, so what? What are those naysayers doing? You know what? the easiest job is being the critic. Why don't you come on this side of the microphone and try it, instead of just sitting there on your butt and listening to me and criticizing me? That's the easiest job.
But let's be really honest. We all criticize, we all judge other people. I hate that about myself when I start doing that, and I've been trying to catch myself more and I'll call myself out, because why am I doing that? Either I'm jealous because I'm not doing that thing or whatever, and it's calling me out because I know I'm not doing something maybe that I should be doing. I mean, it really needs to reflect back on you when you criticize somebody else. Why are you criticizing? There's a reason, and it's not that person, it's you. There's something about you that's lacking that you have to call that kind of stuff out on other people. So the sooner we can start catching ourselves doing that and just turning it around and looking at ourselves, because you know I'm big on that, looking in the mirror.
I'm always saying look in the mirror first, look in the mirror and say, “What am I missing from my life that I have to put another person down to make myself feel good?” There's something missing. There's something you're not getting that you want that you can have. So figure out what it is and get it. Stop being jealous of other people. Stop feeling like you're less than because you don't wanna get off your ass and do something, so you're gonna criticize the people that are getting off their ass and doing something. How's that serving you? How's that working for you? As Dr. Phil says, “How's that working for you? Probably not very good.” So get up and go. Let's go, let's do that thing. Start. I'm always saying, just start. Take those BSBs and start walking. Let's start learning and living and giving to the world.
You might not even have tapped into the gift that you were put on this earth to do. You may have not even learned it yet because you're scared. Do you know how many people are missing out on your gift that you could give away and could help other people? On top of when you do that thing that you were born to do, that is where your joy is. Are you missing joy in your life? Maybe you're not doing that thing, that thing that only you can do the way that you are going to do it. You're missing out, people are missing out, the world's missing out on you. Get to it. Do you want to be happy? What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for? You're waiting for it to be easy? And if it is your gift, it might be easy. But if it is your gift, yes, the doors will open for you and the path will be lit. The way will be lit. And it might be a little rocky. You might have to go over some hills and you might sweat a little bit. You might cry a little bit. You might get blisters on your feet. But dang, once you get to the top of that mountain, it is awesome. You are gonna have so much joy doing that thing. And it is a journey. And it might be a long journey, but some of the pit stops and dips that you experience along the way is part of it. And those are the things that you're gonna bring to whatever that thing is that you do.
Because sometimes there's some things that you have to learn first before you get to that destination. And those things are gifts that you are going to give away, those little gems. And you can say, “I've been there, and this is how I overcame that, and I want to help you now.” That's the whole point of being here, living this life that you are living. What a shame if you just sit and do nothing. It brings tears to my eyes, literally, right now to think of people that are just so unhappy because they're not learning their gifts, they're not giving them away, they're not doing that thing. And it's just so sad that people would rather be lazy and safe, and not be brave and vulnerable and not put themselves out there. Why? And I think back on my own journey, and how did I come to that place wherethe sticks and stones didn't break my bones anymore. because man, they used to, and it dictated everything that I did.
And here comes my authenticity, people. It dictated all my choices in life because I didn't want to be ridiculed. I didn't want to disappoint people. I didn't want people to feel bad about my choices. But where did that get me? It got me into the hugest mess of my life because I didn't check in with myself and I wasn't learning my gifts, and I wasn't giving them away. All because of fear of disappointment, and fear that people were gonna judge me. I was put in a container that there was so much judgment. Oh my gosh, so much judgment, so much competition with everything that it was the conductor of my life. And I followed that drum major every cadence and step because I was scared. But man, I was so in the pit, and just miserable, miserable. To where I was so sick. It made me physically and mentally sick. You know the story. I've told it. I couldn't function. I could barely function. I pulled myself away from the world because I didn't want anyone to see that I couldn't do the things I was supposed to do or supposed to be, and I couldn't do it. And so I hid.
I hid from the world, I hid from myself, I hid from everything just to survive another day. You know how sucky that feels? It's horrible. And I know there's people out there listening right now that feel the same way. Get up and make a move to figure out who you are. Who are you? I guarantee if you're in that spot, you have no idea. Do you even know your favorite color? The simplest questions. Do you know it's okay to take a time out, like I had to do? Take a time out to figure out who you are. If you're unhappy, you're not living the life you're supposed to be living. The universe is telling you something, God, whatever you want to call it, is telling you something. Telling you that you're not in the right place, and they're nudging you to get in alignment with yourself. And you know what? All those answers are right inside of you. They're right inside of you. When you do something, how does it make you feel? Does it bring you joy? Then keep walking in that direction. Does it not feel so great? Then turn around and go the other direction. Figure it out. Try something else. Try something different.
It's okay to fail because that is telling you something. It's fine, it's okay. Don't take it personal. You didn't do something wrong. You are learning from mistakes, and everything you learn can be used to help you find your gift, and then it can help other people find their gifts. And that's the point! That should be the point of life, to help other people, not criticize, not judge. When somebody's struggling, the worst thing to do is just sit back and judge them. That sucks. And again, I'm gonna be a little authentic here. I have another question for you. What do you do when someone that doesn't like you starts failing or they start struggling?
Do you sit back and say, “Well, that's your karma. I'm just gonna let you struggle.” You know, being authentic, I probably do that. I probably do that. And it just makes me think of my son, because he went to a private Christian school, and when he was in high school, he got teased so bad. And kids would throw rocks at him while he was running the track in P.E. They were putting harassing and nasty pictures in his locker because they knew that he was a Christian, and he really lived his life out loud that way, and they made fun of him for that at a Christian school. And it was so hard to watch that. And there was really not much we could do because some of the bullying was coming from the principal's child, and so nothing was being done. But he had such an attitude about it. I mean, it hurt him deeply. And he didn't understand why, and I couldn't tell him why. I didn't know. But let me tell you something, my child would be the first person to go to those people that hurt him to help them.
That's the kind of person that he is, and I wish I was more like that. He would be the first person there to help his enemies if somebody was hurting them, if they were hurting, that is the person he is. It's really beautiful and I admire that in him. And I wasn't planning on even bringing this up today, but I hope he hears this message. I don't even know if he knows I'm doing a podcast, to be honest. We haven't talked in a while and that is partly my fault for showing my kids when they were growing up… or actually, I should say, not showing my kids who I was.
I was still in the marching band following. I don't even know who I was following, to be honest. Wasn't following myself, and that was the problem. So when I finally did show myself to my children and made some hard life choices, they were casualties in the decisions that I had to make, which is something I am very sorry for. Because by becoming more authentic, I probably was somewhat of a stranger to them because they didn't know who I was, really. I didn't know who I was. I was figuring that out. So along the way there was collateral damage that I wish didn't have to happen, and I'm sure it happens in every divorce. It's not what the parents want for their children to have happen, but all I can do is be sorry for that collateral damage and be myself for them and me.
I have to be authentic. I can't be any other way anymore. And I'm hoping that things turn around and that he's happy for me in the end, that I'm happy. So anyway, that kind of went off on a little tangent there, but apparently it needed to, so I'm just gonna go with it. But I wanna leave you with this, because like I said, last week I was in a dip. I was in a big dip. But what I have found is this. That when there's a big dip, the next big leap is coming. You are going to grow from that. And something that comes along with the baby step blues is, when I had kids they didn't talk about leaps, but if you are a younger parent, you've probably heard about leaps, and they even have an app about it where your child gets cranky because they're growing, they're learning, they're either getting their teeth or they're learning something cognitive, new cognitive skill or something.
And they call them a leap. And so they get grouchy and cranky. And these apps actually will tell the parent how many days approximately they're gonna be this way that they're gonna be in this leap. I mean, dang, I wish I had that as a parent. But more than anything, do they have an app for adults, adult leaping? Because I feel like we do that, too. Certain stages of life I'm like, “Sorry I'm cranky. I'm going through this leap.” Can I use that? I don't know. I don't think I can, but I think someone should create that app. Maybe I should.
But anyway, I found that before you make a big growth spurt, there's that dip. There's always a dip and it just makes the leap so much sweeter, and you appreciate it more. You appreciate it way more because of the dip. I appreciate this week and the way I'm feeling today because of last week and how I felt like shit. I feel so good this week. I feel so alive, so full of creativity, and I'm ready to tackle the next big thing. I need to tackle my frigging website, which I've been putting off. But I have the energy now and I feel like I can do it. I feel like I can do it. So, people, hold me accountable. Because that's gonna be my goal for April, to get my website going. I'm gonna do it. So yeah, there's probably gonna be some crying and some dipping, but then there's gonna be the leap when it's all done and it's gonna be great. I love it. I'm gonna learn it. It's gonna be good.
So I know today's podcast took a few twists and turns, and I love being authentic to you guys. I really feel like the best way to help somebody is to hear that somebody else is there, or was there, and that's the best feeling to not feel alone. So before I sign off, I just want to thank Judith, my podcast sister and the host of the podcast MessyCan't Stop Her. If you would like to listen to her podcast, I have a link down in the show notes. So go ahead and check her out. It's really great. I love her podcast. Thanks Judith, for the insight and help on this episode today. You inspire me. So as always, take what you need and leave what you don't, and always remember to mind your own karma. We'll see you next time.
Mind Your Own Karma Podcast - S1E18 Are You Brave Enough?