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  • Melissa Brunetti

Coming Home... To Yourself

Coming home to yourself is scary for some people, because maybe you don’t know who you are. And maybe you DO know who you are, but you don’t like that person.

Hello listeners, and welcome to Mind Your Own Karma. I can’t believe this is Episode 4 already. It’s been a month since I started this podcast, and it has been so fun, and I just again want to thank you for hanging in there with me. I’ve been working on my studio, so I’m sitting here right now in my recording studio, and enjoying it. And I’ve named it Siren Tales Studios because mermaids is the little theme that I started in here, and I am just loving it. So, getting right down to the nitty gritty of this episode, I just want you to open the window or the door, because we’re about to throw out a lot of beliefs about ourselves today that just don’t serve us anymore. So, I hope you’re ready.


The title of this episode is homecoming, and the reason I have called it homecoming is because I know there’s a lot of people out there that need to come home to themselves. And I have been feeling that so much lately, especially at Christmas. On Christmas Day, I felt, for some reason, the weight of the world, and just the sorrow of the world right now. I was driving, and I saw a homeless man walking with his dog, and I just thought, this is just another day for him. I’m going to celebrate Christmas and have a hot meal, and visit my family, and this is just another day to him, and I just felt so sad. But then, for the first time in I think forever, I really looked forward to New Year’s. I’m usually kind of depressed around New Year’s, and I haven’t really figured out why, but this year I really felt excited. I think, because, for the first time in a long time, I am surrendering to what’s going to come this year. I am allowing more into my life, and so I am super excited to see what’s going to happen. And I’ve only been really practicing this for about four months now, and I’m wanting more.

And I’m like, calm down, it’s only been four months. Look what you’ve done in four months, what you’ve accomplished in four months. But it’s just been so fun and so rewarding that I’m just like, give me more, give me more. And like I’ve been saying, I’m on the journey with you, so I’m just being open and honest about it, and I’m sharing what’s been happening along the way. I just feel like I have a brand new attitude this year, and I’m just looking forward to seeing where it leads and what it brings. So, if I have a word for this year, it’s excitement, because I really, really am excited to see what happens.


So, like I said, I know there are a lot of people that the new year is depressing. The new year reminds them of the things they didn’t get done last year that they wanted to do. It reminds them that they’ve lost people. It reminds them of a lot of things that, maybe they failed, or the made a mistake, or there’s been some life changes, or whatever it is. Coming home to yourself is scary for some people, because maybe you don’t know who you are. And maybe you do know who you are, but you don’t like that person.

So, let me tell you something. If coming home to yourself sounds scary, you’re not alone in that. We’ve all made mistakes in the past, and we all wish we could go back and redo some things. But the good news is, your life story, you get to write the book. You have the pen in your hand. You’re the author, and you are the star of the book. So, you get to write it any way you want to, and you have already written chapters that maybe you want to delete. But you know what? Maybe you can’t do that, but you can learn from that and move on, and you get to write the next chapter. So, what story are you telling yourself? What story are you saying to yourself that is creating your future, that’s creating your tomorrow? When you turn that page, what are you going to write there? You have total control of that, and you can make it say anything you want, and you can create anything you want, and you can have anything you want.

Maybe if you’re trying to fix yourself, or be somebody that you’re not, because being you isn’t working, being you is not fun. Being you is a downer, and you don’t like yourself. Again, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of people that feel that way. I used to feel that way, and I had to do a lot of soul work. And I’ve put in the work, and I’m still a work in progress, and I’m here to be authentic to you, and I’m here to reveal all of that, because, like I’ve said, I am going through life and things just like you are. I’m human. I don’t have all the answers. I am trying to write my own book, and so, in doing that, if I can help other people, at least help them think about what they want and how they can change things, then that’s why I’m doing this.


So, if you are one of those people that think that being you isn’t working, ask yourself why. Why is it not working? And I say, that probably 99.9% of the time, it’s because you aren’t in alignment with yourself. If you were in alignment, you would love you, and you would want to be you every single day. You know that song by Meghan Trainor, “If I was you I’d want to be me too”? You would be singing that every day. That would be your mantra. Listen to that song. You can not be depressed if you’re listening to that song. But anyway, you would love to be you if you were in alignment with yourself. And I’m going to be talking about ways to get in alignment with yourself, in the very near future, because I really think it’s the key to pretty much everything. Your happiness, everything.

So, I just want to say a couple of things because I know there’s people, like I said, that are just down in the depression dump. And I just wanted to say that I see you, and I feel you, and I’ve been there. But I just want you to know that whatever has put you where you’re at, number one, you’re not your past, what others think or say about you, and you aren’t your labels. What labels are you putting on yourself? What story are you telling yourself? Are you waiting to be something, or be someone, before you make a move and try and get out of the hole? Are you just going to sit in the hole and look up, and see the light way up there, and just sit there? Because nobody is going to come and put a rope down that hole to come help you and get you out because they can’t. And you have to be the one to do that. And you can do that.

And if you can’t do that, ask yourself why. Why do I want to stay down in this hole? That’s where you start. You are worth getting out of that hole. You have a life to live. You have family, You have friends that are waiting for you to show up, that need you. And you need you. Are you having a pity party for yourself over something? Nobody’s going to come to that party. Nobody wants to come to that party. You don’t even want to go to that party. Maybe anger is keeping you down in the hole. Maybe you’re angry about something or someone. You know what? All you can control is yourself. You can be angry at somebody, but how is that serving you? Be angry and get over it. Life is too short, way too short. Feel all the feels about whatever, and then get up and move.


I mean, I dug my own hole, and I was so busy digging it… The hole was so deep, that the dirt wasn’t even… Where I was shoveling, the dirt was coming right back onto my head. I couldn’t even get the dirt out of the hole I was so deep down there. And yes, I felt so sorry for myself. And I just kept feeling so sorry for myself because I thought that would bring me somebody that was going to save me. My knight in shining armor was going to come. Somebody was going to come up on the horse and just throw me up on there with them and take me off into the sunset to my happiness, and I wasn’t going to have to do anything because they were going to feel sorry for me and they were going to come get me.

That doesn’t work. If it were that simple, none of us would be down in the hole. But when you look at yourself and know that you’re the one that has to do the work, that’s where it becomes a little difficult, isn’t it. So, that’s’ the good news and the bad news. It’s all in your hands. The good news is you’re in control, and the bad news is that you’re in control. Because then the only person that you can point the finger at is you. Really, in the end, when you boil it all down, it’s you that’s keeping you in the hole. Nobody put you there. You might think they did, but they didn’t. You decided to do that.


So, let’s just look in the mirror and let’s see where we’re at. Let’s just be truthful because that’s baseline. You need to learn to embrace all of you, and embrace where you’re at. Are you looking or waiting to not be you? Because it’s all unfolding so you can move forward in discovering you. And nobody’s perfect. You’re human, I’m human. And you know what? You are unrepeatable. There’s only one you, and if you’re not showing up to the party, somebody’s missing. So, if not you, then who? Who’s missing out? Well, you’re missing out for sure. But who else is missing out? Is your spouse missing out? Are your kids missing out? Your grandkids missing out? How many people are missing out on you because you’re deciding to not show up? When I was in the depths of my depression and things, it was getting to be an overload to be that actor in my life. And so, I was withdrawing from everybody because I could just feel that I couldn’t play the part anymore. And I just wasn’t ready for all that was to come when the walls come tumbling down. So, I withdrew from everyone.

And when I finally decided to show up, I found out that people thought that I was mad at them, and that they had done something to me and hurt me in some way because I’d withdrawn so much from them. I was so engrossed in my own depression and circumstances, and wasting so much energy on playing the part, and trying to keep that up, that I had no energy left to pretend to other people, and I just wanted to put that wall up because I didn’t want anyone to see. And when I found out that that’s what I was doing to people, that’s how I was making them feel, I didn’t mean to. That’s what I was doing. I had to take responsibility for it. That feels horrible, because that’s why I was doing it was not to hurt people. I was hurting them anyway because I wasn’t showing up. But when the homecoming starts, it’s coming home to yourself, and it’s the greatest give that you can give yourself, and the greatest gift you can give to anyone that’s in your life and that loves you. You’re worth coming home to.


You might say, “Oh, those people don’t miss me. They’ve got this person and that person. They’re not missing me.” That’s not true. There’s only one you. You were put in this position, in this family, with these people, at this time, for a reason. I mean, if you just want to put it in simple terms, you could think about why did I start this podcast when there’s thousands and thousands upon thousands of podcasts out there, and I could have just said, “They don’t need me.” I could say the same thing. But they’re not me. They could say the exact same thing, they could take this exact same subject, and they’re going to talk about it totally different. Their vibe is going to be different, everything is going to be different, and they’re going to resonate with somebody that maybe I don’t. So, why not me? I can sit there and make excuses and nitpick and list all the things to react to, and but this, and I can’t because of that. But if I truly want to grow, I have to ask myself, what’s missing from my life that I’m having to find all these reasons why I can’t? What’s missing from my life? What am I missing?

Where’s the resistance that’s keeping me from receiving the life I want to live? We need to learn to love ourselves first. We’re not really taught that, right? We’re taught to give our all, just give give give. Especially mothers. We give. Give to our kids, we give to our spouses, we give to our work. When do we give to ourselves? You’ve got to fill your cup up so that you can give graciously to others. What will you have to give if you have one drop in your cup? You will only have one drop to give, and then what? But if you fill yourself up to the brim of your cup, then it’s like, oh shoot, I’m just going to start spilling. Why not give that away? You’ll have so much more to give, and then your cup’s going to keep filling so you can give more and more.


We have to change our mindset that putting ourselves first is selfish and wrong. I kind of take that word selfish, self-ish, and separate it into two. Being self-ish is not selfish. Because if we’re not aligned in our truth and what we are, we are cut off from everything that we need and want. We’re cut off from abundance, we’re cut off from the universe or God, and then we’re just struggling. We’re just struggling. And how many of you feel like you’re struggling right now? You’re just struggling to keep your head above water, when literally your ass is on the ground in the sand, and you’re struggling. Just stand up. Just stand up.

But what we end up doing instead of being self-ish and filling our cup first, we give until our cup’s totally empty and bone dry, and then we want to look at other people and things and point fingers that we have given to, and we want to say, “Oh my God, how selfish. How selfish is that person? I gave them all this.” And you’re mad because they didn’t give back to you, and now you have nothing left but anger and resentment. That’s what you fill your cup with, anger and resentment. And that’s like walking into the lion’s den with no protection on, and having the expectation that he’s not going to bite you. You’re like, “Hey, lion, I didn’t give to me first, and I didn’t come prepared, but here’s this big hunk of meat for you. It’s the very last piece I have. It’s all I’ve got” What do you think’s going to happen?

The lion isn’t going to share or give you anything to eat back. He’s going to take yours and possibly eat you too. But it’s nothing personal. He’s just hungry. And he’s trying to fill his cup. So, if you offer, he’s going to take it, but you want to be mad at the lion for taking advantage of you. You offered in the first place.


You choosing to be in alignment with the universe, and feeling that flow of life, is not selfish at all. It’s just the opposite. I mean, you’re even on an airplane, and those oxygen masks come down, and they always say, put your own oxygen mask on first before you help someone else. Because if you don’t put yours on, what’s going to happen? You might not get to put the mask on the other person if you don’t first give yourself oxygen. So, when you choose to not be aligned, it’s not only hurting you, but it’s hurting everyone else you come into contact with, and even those that you don’t. Because when you don’t show up, it’s denying the world of you and what only you can give to the world.

And so, you have a responsibility to show up. The world is waiting for you to show up and do whatever it is that only you can do the way that only you can do it. You have a responsibility. Holding back yourself from the world, that’s being selfish. So, what is it that’s holding you back from showing up? For myself, and I think a lot of other people, it’s the labels that others or even ourselves have put on us. Those labels define us in our thoughts and ultimately our now. It affects our now.

But again, you have control of that. So, why do we take on and wear those labels, all the perceptions that others put on us? Think of the labels as clothes, and you put on this label that someone said to you. And pretty soon, you’ve got so many shirts, coats, pants on, that you can’t even move or walk. It’s so heavy. And you look at yourself in the mirror wearing it all, and half of it probably isn’t your style, isn’t your size, you don’t like the color. So, take it off. You don’t have to wear it. Some of the clothes might define you right now, but that’s not who you want to be. Take them off. Start with each layer, look at yourself, and say, “How does it feel? How does that label feel on me? Does it feel soft and comfortable? Does it feel scratchy or too tight?” How much better will you feel to take all of those layers that aren’t where you’re going, take them off? How would that feel?

All the labels that aren’t you, they don’t serve you, and they aren’t the person you want to be anymore. How much relief when it feels like you can move again, you can breathe again, and you can say, “I feel good.” Your labels, your people pleasing, your giving til you drop, by letting all that go, all that negativity, the negative identity that doesn’t serve you anymore, letting go of your focus or what others are thinking or saying about you, you become free. Who are these others anyway? Who are they? Who cares? It’s exhausting holding others’ beliefs about us that isn’t even us. It’s exhausting, isn’t it? Let go of your self sabotaging, your egotistical thoughts, like, “What are they thinking about me?” First of all, let’s be real. Most people aren’t thinking about you. They’re just trying to figure out their own life. Our ego tries to tell us that everyone’s looking or talking about us. Wow.


You are such a power force that everyone’s worried about you, and thinking about you, and talking about you. Damn. Ego much? How about mind your own karma? It’s a choice to put on all those clothes in the first place. You chose to do that. No one held you down and forced them on you. You put them on. Some of those clothes you were given when you were a child, and you didn’t know better. But guess what? Now you know better, and so you are required to do better. It’s still your choice, though. You can keep them on if you want. But you’re choosing not to be in the flow, and not be aligned, and ultimately not being yourself. If you’re not aligned with you, then how are you going to be able to allow the abundance that’s out there for you? If you don’t show up, you aren’t going to be there to receive it. And I know, I know it’s difficult sometimes to think positively when you’re feeling so down, and it just feels weird to try and have positive thoughts, to try and change the story. Instead of thinking positively, just try and start thinking powerfully.

I am strong. I can do this. Whatever it is, whatever the story is, change the thought. Instead of “I’m depressed, and I can’t have this and I can’t have that,” can’t is my four letter word. I can’t do can’t. I can’t do it. So, change the story. I can. I can do this. I’m worth it. Start the powerful talk. It takes a lot of power to be depressed. To be honest, it takes a lot of energy. And now you’re used to telling that story, and so it feels foreign to even feel any happiness. It feels weird. It doesn’t feel normal because you’ve taught yourself this survival mode that, I promise you, you have taught yourself that feeling of being depressed, sad, not worth it. Whatever it is, you’ve taught yourself to crave that feeling, that now that’s comfortable. And being happy just feels so foreign.

Yes. It’s going to feel weird at first, and it’s going to feel like you’re not being authentic, but the more you practice it, the easier it will be. And it’s not going to happen tomorrow, but just be mindful of how you’re feeling in the moment and change the narrative. That’s what you have to do. Sometimes our circumstances can bring us down. The reality of it all. But you’re not here to be led around by circumstances. Circumstances are just learning experiences. What you label as mistakes in the past, those are learning experiences. You know what? Be kind to yourself, and just say, “You know what? Yeah. I made mistakes. I did. I’m sorry, and I know better now, and I’m going to do better now, and I’m going to be better now.”

So be kind to yourself. All these learning experiences is the universe’s way of getting you to make a move and be more aligned and be going in a more positive direction. When you say, “Nothing good happens to me,” that’s the universe trying to get you to go in the right direction. Why are you digging your heels in? Why do you want to stay in that deep, dark place? How is that serving you? What is that getting you? Where’s the payoff? What are you waiting for? Start today. The sooner you start, the faster you’re going to get there. You’re going to get to that better place. You are a co-creator with God or the universe. And the universe wants what’s best for you. They’re not against you. So, that means if you aren’t getting what’s best for you, then you’re the problem. Get out of your own way. Stop making it so hard. Just open up and say you want to be different. You don’t want to be this person anymore. This is not who you are. Start today.


And just start by writing down where you’re at. Let’s be truthful, because if you don’t know where you’re starting, we don’t know where we’re going. So, start by writing your story. What is the story that you tell yourself about you? Write it all down. All the ugly truth. No one’s going to see it. Just a personal note to yourself. Be truthful. Be as truthful as you can. So, write a couple paragraphs, write a couple pages, whatever it takes just to get it all out. I’m not good enough, I’ve gained too much weight, I don’t have any friends, whatever it is, get really personal about it and detailed, and write it all down. And when you’re done with that, I want to ask you to maybe do something that might feel a little uncomfortable for some of you. It’s something that really helps me.

And you don’t have to meditate. You can if that’s comfortable for you, but what I like to do when I’m feeling any negativity, or even if I’m not, even if I’m feeling sick, anything bad, I like to just close my eyes and take in a deep breath. And I take it in as much air as I can, until I can’t breathe in anymore. And I just imagine gold going up into my nostrils and into my lungs, and into every cell of my body, and I hold it for as long as I can, I’m holding my breath, and I just hold that gold light inside of me. That represents good for me, so whatever represents good for you. Even if you just say, “I’m breathing in good.” Breathe it in as much as you can, as much air as you can, and hold it for as long as you can. And then let it out with some force, and then you’re letting out all the bad. And I like to envision that I’m breathing out black smoke. That’s whatever is the yuck in me, and I’m getting it out, and I just push it out.

And same as when I put in the breath, I let it out, every ounce of air that I can. I just blow it all the way out. And then I do that again, breathe in the good, hold it in, breathe out the bad. And it feels so good. And as you’re doing that, I want you to say to yourself, “I’m open to experience what can happen.” So, breathe in, and just say, “I’m open to experience what can happen.” What do you got to lose? You might have already lost yourself, so let’s find you. Breathe in some good, breathe out some bad, and just be open to experience what can happen. Just start there.


So, I know this episode was a little heavy, but this is what I want to bring to this podcast, some little nuggets. And you may not be down in the pit, and I’m glad if you’re not. But if you are, I hope some of this helped you. And next week, I’ll bring some more light onto how we navigate through this and how to get out of the pit. So, we just have to start where we are. So, I hope you have a good week, and I hope that you feel a little hope after this episode If you didn’t feel any before. So, I hope you have a good week. As always, take what you need and leave what you don’t, and don’t worry about what everybody else is thinking or saying about you. They need to mind their own karma, and it’s time that you mind yours. See you next week, everybody.

You can also find my Instagram and Facebook links below if you would like to follow me there as well.

I am not a licensed therapist. I am here as more of a friend just sharing my journey with you in hopes that maybe you can resonate with some of it. But don’t be afraid to seek out professional help if you feel like you need it. I’m leaving the suicide prevention hotline number in the show notes. If you think that you need that, please don’t hesitate to call and reach out for help.

988 — Suicide prevention hotline for the U.S., or go to

Suicide numbers and websites for other countries: Click here

Season 1, Episode 4


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